Tear drops glide from my cheeks onto the paper that sleeps on my lap. It is blank.
This is my list of happiness and it is completely bare
A list is supposed to embody your soul but mine doesn't. It is supposed to hold the things I cannot live without, my purpose in life, yet it only hold the stillness after death.
My body tightens and anger mixes in with my tears. I grasp the paper, yelling, cursing but I know it will never change. "WHY am I this way?" gurgles out of my mouth along with all my sadness. Corners crunch, the paper stretches agonizingly , cries out loud and rips and rips and rips until it lay silent on the floor.
I am breathing heavy as the madness takes over and glass begins to hit the floor and the walls.
I realize I am no longer in control of my own self and its almost as if I am watching from the sidelines, as something I no longer recognize begins to tear it's sanity apart.
It has never been the same since that day. I finally understood why I as never happy, because I was never me.
It was always it; controlling me, clawing through my skin, making my insane.
I watch it etch another tally mark onto the blank concrete, hidden as white and calming asylum walls.
It has finally taken over me, forever.
Insidious is the last word that passes my lips before I slip into the unknown world they title; Limbo.
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