Sunday, September 29, 2013

Without Hope Without a Topic

I sat at my computer staring at the screen for an hour trying to think of a topic to write about. I procrastinated, watched some t.v., ate some food and finally found myself watching this video and clicking on tons of random things how I found these... I have no clue. Enjoy btw these were youtube videos haha...... #theydon'tworkatschool

"McDonalds actually does serve breakfast after 10:30, if u have a gun." -lawblob




Frickin' Nasty

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Zombies

My eyes flutter open and the small dank alleyway spreads out before me. I sit on the chilled ground next to a over turned dumpster. I brush the rats away from my feet and slowly stand up and stretch out my legs. I turn towards the entrance of the alleyway and see that it leads out into the streets of salt lake. The streets are packed with over turned cars and the smell of sewage burns my throat. 

I slowly step out of the alley and the sun kisses the side of my face. The sun continues to creep into the crevices of buildings lighting up the city,  and broken bits of glass, that litter the ground, glisten against the dust covered streets. 


Adrenaline creeps through my veins and the fear that I try to hide from starts to set in. I trudge through the streets trying to remember what it used to look like with people walking through the streets talking on phones or to one another. Now all that remains is fear which is plastered on the walls and on the faces of dead corpses who lie still in their cars. I examine every car and alley ways expecting to find someone even though the world has been dead for twenty years. I feel alone and lost. I haven't seen anyone for at least a week now but I can never be quite sure because my days seem to fade in and out and blur together. 

The sun starts to melt the chill that has inhabited my body and I almost feel happy or maybe just content. Can I feel happy when I l live in this world of never ending darkness? Can I feel happy now, even though I feel just as abandoned as this city? My stomach starts to ache from longing, for a better existence or food i'm not quite sure. My thoughts start to cloud my head and despair slides back into my emotions where he now seems to have made his home. 

I shuffle my bare feet along the ground and somehow the pain I feel as broken bits of glass cut deeper and deeper makes me feel better. I pull down on the backpack straps that lie on my shoulders trying to relieve the weight from my already aching back. 

I slow to a stop and deeply inhale taking in the smells of this city trying to forget the pain of memories that begin to flash through my head. The smells of a city in decay are not as bad as the rotting smell of flesh which wafts through my nostrils. Emptiness floods my heart and soul, and the longing pain in my stomach reappears. Everything good has been ripped away from me and all that remains is hopelessness and fear. I squeeze my pale arm and feel how my skin loosely hangs onto the bone and how it starts to peel and rot. I try to escape through old memories, but I fear I will be trapped in this existence until I finish off the last of humanity. But what I fear the most, is I don't think I will ever get used to this smell.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

#GiveMeMyConfidenceBack

Why do I never get my assignments done on time in this class? Because I am so PISSED OFF ALL the time. I can never sit down and type because every second of every day I feel like breaking my keyboard, throwing a chair across the room or punching someone so hard I break something, why? Because right now my life SUCKS. {insert sport here} is a joke and it is tearing me fing apart. I come home emotionally exhausted because my shitty teamates are up in my face yelling at me or telling me that IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I have to deal with bitchy girls who whine and complain and blow up for no reason and im sick of it. GROW UP I feel like a one man army standing up to "queen" of all {insert sport here}. If she had dog shit all over her feet people would still kiss them, if she pissed on their face they would still give her cheers and follow her around not because they LIKE YOU. THEY ALL HATE YOU. You're pathetic and take it out on everyone else because you're life is so meaningless. You have to be the center of attention every second yelling and bossing people around because you SUCK at {insert sport here}!!!  You are the biggest two FACE BITCH I have ever encountered. I feel like leaving this school because of some teammates but also because of you "coach". You have ruined my life  ever since I came to this school!! Every day I feel like some forgotten piece of trash on the side of the road because you tear me down constantly!  all you ever have had are key favorites and everyone else is perishables. That ugly look on your face when you realize that I am going to be your key starting player this year is sickening to my stomach. I WAS ALWAYS BETTER THAN YOUR STARTER you NEVER gave me the chance because your favorite poured thousands of dollars into your fund!!  That's total BULLSHIT! I hate every single thing about you because you have ruined my high school experience. I feel stupid and like I don't matter because of the way you talk down to me! Every time I hear your voice I cringe because I always know what you say about me and the way you laugh when I make a mistake. You have torn me down so many times I cannot remember the last time I felt highly of MYSELF. YOU are the one that makes me bawl at night because I feel like I don't matter. YOU are the one that makes me hate going to school every day. YOU are the reason why I am TRANSFERRING BECAUSE I WANT THE HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE. You have made every practice a nice individual hell for me because it entertains you. I worked my butt off trying to show you I was right for the starting position and when you put her in game after game and I saw how much she SUCKED. You ripped out everything I have ever held dear; my self confidence. I KNOW I was better than her! I see you this year and I see how you have no other choice but me for the starting position, I see you panicked because you do not "trust" me. I see those other girls you're trying to train for MY POSITION because you know I hate you and I know you hate me. I am just hoping you see how great I have become so when I leave it leaves you panicked and when you start to lose your games I hope you think of me because I sure will be happy when you do.


Thursday, September 12, 2013

Pictures

I found some 

Amazing pictures 


none of which would

fit the format of my

blog which sucks. 

I decided to show 

them here instead 


because they are 

just that epic.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I Am Here

What is a tourist? Someone who watches, waits and contemplates or someone who is lazy? I am both but now that I am here there is no road block standing in my way.

I am here through the light and darkness even the                                                           struggles and pain. 

I am always here, 
                           but perhaps not here for you
                                                         or even myself, 
  but through it all I know that I must be here and not there.      
          Because there means the past, and I hope to never be forgotten
 in such a way that I no longer                              have reason to exist.


      Can you really tell if you are here and not somewhere else? The scrape on your side or the cut on your thumb do you really feel them? How can you be sure you are living and breathing and not in the imagination of a book or a long lost thought doomed to a never have an ending?

 I know that I am living because when I feel lost I can find myself through pain, love, and loneliness. 

                                                                            You really never know your true self until you lose sight of what you think you should be. 



When you doubt yourself and start fighting to understand it unveils the truth of what you are; human and imperfect. 

(Like me for instance I SucK at punctuation and I do it anyways(just): for "fun" Because I want to and no one can scold me or tell me that I am wrong.) 

It is hard to find yourself in a world of uncertainty, yet the one way that has helped me fight my insecurities is to embrace them and move on. 

The world keeps turning and so must everything else. 


I am here because I fricking want to be! Screw other people and their lies I am perfect and so are you. Bam! 
Look at this kewl star I gave you. 

Happy Birthday. 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

intro

This is a blog all about me
 it is free but not cheap and 
definitely one to keep on 
your watch list that is. I express 
my emotions either great or 
small I sure wish I was tall 
but for real this is my blog 
in which I share a personnel 
slice of my life. I will always
 be honest and true but it 
comes with a price. The price 
is your willingness to understand
 through and through because 
I'm being honest with you in turn 
you can too.