I Am Left Without

Have you ever felt betrayed?

I have.

Betrayed like a child without a mother.

Betrayed by god when I've felt all alone.

Betrayed when a son dies of cancer.

Betrayed when your friend forgets you.

Betrayed like a dog left in a pound to die.

Betrayed like a toy resting in the dust of the shelves of DI.

Betrayed like a divorce.

Betrayed like another bruise that appears on my mother's face.

Betrayed like a father who abandons his family.


Betrayed like the day I died in a car crash. I saw glimpses fading in and out until I felt tingling in my heart, my eyes shot open suddenly and I was gasping; my throat tightened because smoke had filled the car. My mouth was stained with a gagging sensation of metal. My neck felt like concrete but the urge to see my mother took over all my thoughts. I finally turned my head rewarded with immense pain and a sudden snap. My body began to convulse and the corners of my vision blotched with blackness. I willed myself to stay alert enough to see my mother, and I soon spotted her lying on her back a few yards from the car. She laid motionless, and if that wasn't enough to assume her death; the large shard of metal protruding from her stomach would be. Exasperated I let into my body shutting down, but not before something in the car was sizzling, it began to scorch my skin, then it was over.

She lived.

Did I betray her?

Did she betray me?

What is a List

Tear drops glide from my cheeks onto the paper that sleeps on my lap. It is blank.

This is my list of happiness and it is completely bare

A list is supposed to embody your soul but mine doesn't. It is supposed to hold the things I cannot live without, my purpose in life, yet it only hold the stillness after death.

My body tightens and anger mixes in with my tears. I grasp the paper, yelling, cursing but I know it will never  change. "WHY am I this way?" gurgles out of my mouth along with all my sadness. Corners crunch, the paper stretches agonizingly , cries out loud and rips and rips and rips until it lay silent on the floor.

I am breathing heavy as the madness takes over and glass begins to hit the floor and the walls.

I realize I am no longer in control of my own self and its almost as if I am watching from the sidelines, as something I no longer recognize begins to tear it's sanity apart.

It has never been the same since that day. I finally understood why I as never happy, because I was never me.

It was always it; controlling me, clawing through my skin, making my insane.

I watch it etch another tally mark onto the blank concrete, hidden as white and calming asylum walls.

It has finally taken over me, forever.

Insidious is the last word that passes my lips before I slip into the unknown world they title; Limbo.

The Moon

I wake up suddenly wheezing and my throat tight. My body trembles because yet again I dreamed of death. 

I dreamed of silence but not peace and I dreamed of darkness that inhabited me. Tears well up in my eyes 

because I finally realize that I am helpless because nothing can save me from my inner self. My dreams 

cannot be stopped or put in handcuffs and sent to jail. They are apart of me; a darker deeper side which is 

threatening to whisk away all my light.It all happens too fast and I start to feel my body convulse as the 

effects take hold; a searing pain that shoots in through my veins like a paralyzing drug. My body begins to 

bend and my bones break; with every snap I feel renewed strength unlike anything I could have felt before. 

My skin stretches and rage starts to pilot every inch of my being. It feels as if hot coals are being pressed 

into my pores and a yell starts to build up inside of my lungs until it overflows and bursts into a low 

monstrous bellow. My teeth grow into incisors, my fingernails stretch out inches from my finger tips as long 

sharpened claws. The pain twists the world in front of me and it all fades into black. Soon after I slowly start 

to fade in 

and out as if I'm drunk. I come to my senses but all I can do is spectate as my body is running through the 

narrow, dank woods. leaves and branches crunch underneath my weight and a muffled pant is escaping 

from my throat. I stop briefly on the side of a large mountain cliff and search up among the stars for the 

moon. Howls echo off the mountain range and ring through out the forest below. Sadness wells up in my 

soul; one bite, one mistake and now this is what I have become. I try to scream out loud in pain and 

frustration, but it seems that I am just a prisoner in this body that is no longer my own. Why must wolves 

howl at the moon? I guess it's now my turn to find out. 

Here a Love There a Love

Love has never been something you can touch.

Or taste

Or wrap in a box

Or put a label on

Or hold onto forever. Because it always seems like love eludes us.

What is love to me?

Well I know it's different from what you think.

I know it is sincere

I know it can be hard to catch

I know it can break my soul

I know it can not exist at all

I know it might be large
or small

I know that it may never have a definition at all.

What I do know is that you can't give up on love
 because if we did nothing in this world could compare.

LOVE is Music

Only Words Last the Wear

 I'm terrible with words because they rack my brain until I am sure I'm insane, but once my brain is free I can never feel this way or ever be this sane. I'll write you a story because words aren't anything without a purpose.

Pop a piece of gum. Breathe it out slowly. “It will be O.K.” Cheery, mood-lifting flowers ignite the breath and invigorate my senses.  He always seems to take a few deep with nature in which we find the instant surge in webbed areas.  He chuckles lightly under his breath "when you’re feeling frazzled, release an ax to grind." He increases his eyes lower to a number, companions suggest functioning from their hormones, but he doesn't want to. Put your own problems in the head, they teach. Relievers reading for the instant anxiety increased our strain. "You feel even more panicked stepping outside?" He choked.  He held my hand in his "Shake out an orange from beneath your thumb."he whispered into my ear sending chills up my arms. "Enough said" I grumbled as I took a step back. Our conversation ended as he stormed into the dark abyss. 

Special compounds overwhelm the quality of my calm combat within my soul. Spirits get up from the desks and curtails cry out within my blood pressure. That time wasted mentioning, distancing, yourself wants to feel close yet lowering jacks but who cares? With a drop dial gently stretched through a series of death in reduction where we often store the warm tub of our feelings. My tears creep through the soothing situations which will bring up guided imagery of my rejuvenated surroundings.

Calming breaths of peppermint cut through my pressure points as I close my eyes loosen the jaw and in an instant I take a jump falling for 20 to 30 seconds counting down the time plug my thoughts away and enjoy the soothing bubbles of death that begin to wash over me. I see a light;  a calming candlelight that begins to edge into the corners of my vision. My eyes blur and the chemicals in the brain begin to soothe and become slow-paced. My environment makes me lose myself and I feel free. The wind distracts my mind, my troubles seem to dissipate quickly and violently just like my body does as I hit the ground, or how I imagine it will . Every part of me stretches. My muscles relax, my heart rate instantly lowers and tension seems to have never existed. Death seemed to have creeped into our minds and poison our souls. Is death really our purpose, our life and fears? This world is a purpose of reality or a charade of our imaginations of what we once were or what we will never become. Only one true way to find the truth is to really find it.

Without Hope Without a Topic

I sat at my computer staring at the screen for an hour trying to think of a topic to write about. I procrastinated, watched some t.v., ate some food and finally found myself watching this video and clicking on tons of random things how I found these... I have no clue. Enjoy btw these were youtube videos haha...... #theydon'tworkatschool

"McDonalds actually does serve breakfast after 10:30, if u have a gun." -lawblob

Musical Dots

Frickin' Nasty