tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46102503971094022022024-03-05T17:14:51.123-08:00Creative zonePj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-38535966623703353172014-01-09T21:25:00.003-08:002014-01-09T21:32:59.137-08:00Lost in Paris<span style="background-color: white;">I walk through the crowded streets occasionally bumping shoulders with another person. I accept the little curses sent my way with open arms because those words now a days seem better than none.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Rain courses down through the gutters and onto the cobble stone streets as the shadowed sky cries down onto the hustle bustle of the streets of Paris. Everyone seems to have a purpose, a place where they belong in this city.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">A home to come back to after a long day of work, a store to work in that has opened its doors late into the night. I stare down at my feet as they whisk up bits of water into the air every step that I take. It was only a moment, but when I looked back up everyone had disappeared. Shadows of the night began swallowing the shops around me and a fog started to settle in.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">It was dusk not too long ago but the time in here is a lot faster than out there. I try to remember the faces of the ones I had seen, but they all seem to elude me and leave me alone again in this nonexistence. For you see I am invisible to everyone and everything and I have been since I can remember. You can feel me, but I cannot you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I walk among you and I talk just like you, but yet no matter what I try I can never be seen. I have stayed here,watching maybe waiting, waiting for one more chance I know will never come.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">For I have been lost in Paris among no souls either living or passed. I have walked these streets alone, and wanting for what I used to have. I used to be an artist, way back in the day and now I'm just lost in my way.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I can tell you that here, in Paris it is so beautiful and exciting to admire, but my heart begins to fade as so is this fire. It's beginning to get cold out in these rain soaked streets, either with tears or with the chilled rain.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Living in Paris was not all in vain, I feel myself slipping, and falling away I hope to live again in Paris one day, away from all my pain.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-1051662847433513692014-01-09T20:46:00.001-08:002014-01-09T20:47:12.222-08:00Help me Help You <span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Lets talk for realzies this time like real hardcore real real.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> I am not going to hide it like my parents do.. Shoving the unwanted mess into the closet... Because we all know that if we don't see it, it <u>must</u> not be there.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Well IT IS there and will always be there. It's <u>always</u> going to be the elephant in the room as we sit and eat dinner. The elephant in the room as we talk about who is going to give you a ride home because we all know you got your license suspended. THE elephant in the room when we all know you only go to hang out with your "friends" on the weekends so you can drink, become drunk and pass out a couple hours later on somebody's couch.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The elephant in the room because I have an alcoholic sister.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I have a sister who lies to me without batting an eye. I have a sister who was angry when I found out she was in jail because she wants me to see her as some bullshitty rolemodel. If she "loved" me that much why does she despise hanging around me SO much?!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I have a sister who will only tell you what you "want" to hear, because everything else takes effort. I have a sister who used to be my best friend. I have a sister who everyone wants to hear about what she is doing with her life. What the hell am I supposed to say? "Ah yeah my sister is doing great spending her birthday in jail and lying in a drunken stupor on the weekends while you just got off your mission".</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I have a sister who used to listen to what I would say. I have a sister who used to hug me and not push me away from her. I have a sister who <u>knows</u> what hell she is putting my parents through and continues to do it. I have a sister who puts the self in selfie because it is all about her.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> I have a sister who makes me cry at night as I wonder what all time low it is going to take to get my beloved sister back. I have a sister who will not let me help her.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Please, Help me Help you.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-55472430251136226232013-11-24T20:55:00.001-08:002013-11-26T12:39:02.341-08:00How To Become A Writer Because Hobos Terrify Me<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Hi. Yes hello and welcome to yeah... whatever this is. Its rlly gr8 and full of things. This might be filled with good persons, places or things but the likely hood of that is slim to none. Leave now if you really care because nothing ever done in the name of science is legal. *wink wink* Don't spend all your money on booze because the bible says not to. Well Duh. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Yeah this is pretty much just a land of forgotten words that always disappear after blacking out drunk. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I was going to put a inspirational story that I wrote when I was in 8th grade here, on this very post!! but it wasn't very inspirational and made like no sense at all. I can become a writer eh? Yeah and get inspired by paintings that were drawn up by dead men who we all know were taking a little too much weed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Here I'll bestow some advice that I got from a hobo site.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Learn the hobo code. Don't hesitate to dumpster dive. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> Why even take advice from hobos? <span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b>We all know we walk on the opposite side of the road because I don't want their filthy words all up in my grill.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Yep absolutely thrilling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Does this make me a writer<i><u><b> Now</b></u></i>?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I guess you wouldn't care really now would you. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I think I am a genuinely happy person, so why can I only write about</span> pain <span style="font-size: xx-small;">and</span> death? "I dunno ya <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">weirdo</span>, no one cares!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I'm a writer and you're a writer, heck I'm even a jack o lantern. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">There are no guidelines, no wikihow to become a writer in 6 steps (even though I bet a million dollars there is one) so. just. yeah. be whatever all right? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Do step one and then bam. yep, you sir won the prize </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">because now you are an </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">artist. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Yeah I did it, I went there</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: xx-small;">When you get back, please tell me how you're trip was.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<img height="235" src="http://waimingmok.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/drawowl.png?w=322" width="320" /><img height="239" src="http://toongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/funny-cartoon-gifs-how-to-draw-a-duck.gif" width="320" /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-74360183009213884772013-11-24T20:48:00.000-08:002013-11-25T19:20:51.343-08:00In My Heart<span style="background-color: white;">"Hi, my name is Cameron" he said as he shone a goofy smile my way. His calming blue eyes twinkled as the sun gazed upon them and happiness beamed from his face.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">He was my best friend and my first love...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">We hiked slowly through the dead brush and began to climb this hill. The sun began to set but kept shining and the heat tickled my face pink. We continued towards the park that lay on the top of this hillside and with each step he always turned back to make sure I wasn't too far behind.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">We reached the top and looked over the city that spread out below us. Lights began to sizzle as the shade of darkness enclosed the valley.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">We walked over to a wooden platform that rests at the top of the hill overlooking the cities scooped into valleys on either side of us. We sat on the edge of the platform and watched as darkness began to wake up the city's lights, and as cars zoomed through the streets.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">It was silent as we sat together as if the world had fallen asleep as the lights of the night had come out to play.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I sat so close to him that I could feel the soft heat emanating off of him almost as if enticing me. Pure childish giddy spread across my face and soon that space between us no longer cried out. His presence sent chills up my spine and he embraced me slowly as we sat and peered down into the city.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I came close to his chest and took comfort in the strong, consistent beating of his heart and with each breath his chest glided in and out. He smelled fresh and sweet like the earth after it was bathed in rain.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">He began to point out to lights which had looked so familiar in the day, but have seemed to transform in the night. We guessed the neighborhoods and which store was which, followed by the occasional laugh that vibrated through his chest and tickled my face.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Awhile later we began to walk down the hill and through the streets until we got to the fork in the road where we went separate ways. We stood underneath a lamppost with the orange light illumining us in the darkened night.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">He stared down into my eyes and a playful smile crept onto his face. He held me close in a last embrace. He pulled back softly holding my hands in his, he began to lean towards me and kissed me softly.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">He departed slowly and with step he took I missed him more and yearned to feel his embrace. After standing still under the pale orange light for a few minutes I began to walk home.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">My whole body buzzed with excitement as I jumped a fence, walked into my house and got ready to sleep.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">That was the last time I ever saw my beloved friend; he died the next day.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-43439187234253344522013-11-24T08:03:00.003-08:002013-11-24T08:04:15.718-08:00How It Feels Just To Breathe With No Air<span style="background-color: white;">The car shifts and grumbles on the rock laden road. A beat up truck cruised along, it had rust covering more of it's surface than paint and the left tire in the back is extremely flat. Each rock we hit I'm slammed against the side of the truck and I'm positive that this truck is going to explode if we go any further.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">As if this ride couldn't get any worse it was, starting with when I was thrown into the back wrapped in a potato sack with my hands and feet bound together....</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">A slimy wet cloth is choking me and some fume soaked into the linen swept up into my lungs. My brain begun to careen out of control and all I could do was lay down and pass out.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I come to my senses and start panicking when I realize I am in a claustrophobic potato sack. I willed myself to take deep breaths and stay as calm as possible but that's pretty hard when I've realize I have been kidnapped.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">A few more hours and the truck coughs to a halt. I listen closely to try and determine where we could possibly be. Unstoppable tears careen off my face and all my hope begins to crumple in on itself like plastic in a blazing fire. "I love you" forms on my lips for my family, but I know that it won't ever make it to them.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">The doors open and slam simultaneously and I hear the men's ruffled low voices continue the conversation from when they were in the car.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">"I've told you that we've been duped." said one on the left side of me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">The other man yelled "Well then what are we supposed to do with her?!"</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I could sense their gazes had fallen upon me and I almost shrieked, because I could almost feel their hands on me again, picking me up and ripping me away from my house. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">They went to the hood of the car and began to whisper together and as much as I possibly strained my ears I could not hear what they had planned for me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I began to panic, the air in this sack was becoming tight and humid, my asthma began to kick in.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">They came back to the end of the truck, opened up the latch and hopped up into the back of the truck and stood inches from me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">All at once they grabbed me from the sack and held a chunk of my hair and ripped me forward into the darkness.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Now I could see where I was and I started screaming as they pulled me closer and closer to the water of the ocean. The cool sand prickled my feet and I tried pulling away and fighting but it was all too painful.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Tears blurred my vision and my ears began to ring.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Before I knew it water had elapsed all around my body and I felt encased as if in jell-o. I tried struggling and clawing at whoever was behind me but he was far too strong for me to do anything.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Fear pumped through my body as I realized this was the end. There is no other feeling like how it feels to breathe with no air. Because you can't</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Water raged in and out and I tried to scream as my chest began to burn like a fire had lit inside my lungs and blackness began to take over my vision.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">My body grew weak and I try once more to flail and try to escape but then it all went silent and I knew I had lost.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"> Soon after I became blinded by a light that encompassed my surroundings as far as I could see. I felt my legs move toward it so I let them.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"> I walked into the light and I never looked back</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">because I couldn't.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-45567637496447486792013-11-24T07:22:00.002-08:002013-11-24T07:25:47.552-08:00Thinking but not Remembering<span style="background-color: white;">I run up and down the stairs, sing my favorite opera song, type my essay on a typewriter, and still nothing happens.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Should I be upset that I am still the same, that my brain hasn't exploded and have ideas flood my head like a typhoon?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I never could summon my soul when need be. It likes to be alone as if it is a daughter who has a non understanding father. It closes the door shut and will never be reasonable.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">It always seems to be bad before the good. My brain is like my mouth in that neither have a filter and I've always wondered is there some place I can buy one??</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I succumb to Pogo sticking in my front yard, licking the fur of my dog, and dancing like a lunatic.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">But it never works.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I start to wonder "why does nothing I think of ever work".</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I lose hope and maybe I am not creative!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">This is not meant for me, it's for that other guy down the street that takes weird pictures of his muscles.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Because he has an art gallery,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">and I don't.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">The hardest part of being an artist is not thinking but remembering.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Remembering what it felt like</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">and the rush that filled my veins</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">how I could ever live without this feeling</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Remembering <i>Creativity.</i></span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-41077919565093027982013-11-18T20:07:00.003-08:002013-11-18T20:15:41.447-08:00Different<span style="background-color: white;">I never do my assignments so I'm being different by doing one haha.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkSRc7iVdIlaZ4SgfMwiQlqGQ0_7lohHX_fo-JapMC4WUQwMa96KQwIhyPujNk9YVAFjQsaiCmy04cFemdYQ-bw5Of6I6COiDgEU6KrWoiw7m0MNge3c00LiA_cNVCDSXt7FcFtkJk64/s1600/pieface.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkSRc7iVdIlaZ4SgfMwiQlqGQ0_7lohHX_fo-JapMC4WUQwMa96KQwIhyPujNk9YVAFjQsaiCmy04cFemdYQ-bw5Of6I6COiDgEU6KrWoiw7m0MNge3c00LiA_cNVCDSXt7FcFtkJk64/s320/pieface.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">Love don't die </span></div>
</div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">its what I say it's not what I do. </b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">Your love it was only pretend</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;"> I'd turn around if you beg me to stay</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"> heart breaker with an ego </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">I've got more to say</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"> that aint no compliment thats the truth that's why I am leaving you </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">buh duh nuh nuh du du du </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I'm leaving youuuuu</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">dadaddaaaawawayayaya</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">all I am</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"> in my hands </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">but I stand</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;"> lets have an adventure </b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">gravitys centered </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">one love </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">too coolowowowowoollddd </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">here and now </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">knoooooowwww </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">not much to say </span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">so far away</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">ya love the taste yeaah</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">a place I've been dreamin of</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">we can dance like there is no tomorrow</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">of time and spaaaaaceee</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I gotta do high</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I gotta do all of it</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I can feel the city crumblin around me</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white;">Can't seem to find my way</b></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">it went away so fast</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">got to let go</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">so here we go!</span></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><u style="background-color: white;">I can feel the heart beat underneath the concrete just like a kid drawing planes</u></span></b></i></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><u style="background-color: white;"><br /></u></span></b></i></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">Now rap it.</span></div>
Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-30068339001354418372013-11-18T19:43:00.000-08:002013-11-24T08:11:33.029-08:00I Am Left Without<span style="background-color: white;">Have you ever felt <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i>betrayed?</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> like a child without a mother.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Betrayed</span> </span>by god when I've felt all alone.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Betrayed</span> </span>when a son dies of cancer.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span> when your friend forgets you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span> like a dog left in a pound to die.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span> like a toy resting in the dust of the shelves of DI.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span> like a divorce.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;">Betrayed</span> like another bruise that appears on my mother's face.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Betrayed</span> </span>like a father who abandons his family.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><i>Betrayed</i> like the day I died in a car crash. I saw glimpses fading in and out until I felt tingling in my heart, my eyes shot open suddenly and I was gasping; my throat tightened because smoke had filled the car. My mouth was stained with a gagging sensation of metal. My neck felt like concrete but the urge to see my mother took over all my thoughts. I finally turned my head rewarded with immense pain and a sudden snap. My body began to convulse and the corners of my vision blotched with blackness. I willed myself to stay alert enough to see my mother, and I soon spotted her lying on her back a few yards from the car. She laid motionless, and if that wasn't enough to assume her death; the large shard of metal protruding from her stomach would be. Exasperated I let into my body shutting down, but not before something in the car was sizzling, it began to scorch my skin, then it was over.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">She lived.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Did I <i>betray</i> her?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Did she <i>betray</i> me?</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-81105110170940185152013-11-12T12:58:00.002-08:002013-11-18T21:15:16.659-08:00What is a List<span style="background-color: white;">Tear drops glide from my cheeks onto the paper that sleeps on my lap. It is blank.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">This is my list of happiness and it is completely bare</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">A list is supposed to embody your soul but mine doesn't. It is supposed to hold the things I cannot live without, my purpose in life, yet it only hold the stillness after death.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">My body tightens and anger mixes in with my tears. I grasp the paper, yelling, cursing but I know it will never change. "WHY am I this way?" gurgles out of my mouth along with all my sadness. Corners crunch, the paper stretches agonizingly , cries out loud and rips and rips and rips until it lay silent on the floor.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I am breathing heavy as the madness takes over and glass begins to hit the floor and the walls.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">I realize I am no longer in control of my own self and its almost as if I am watching from the sidelines, as something I no longer recognize begins to tear it's sanity apart.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">It has never been the same since that day. I finally understood why I as never happy, because I was never me.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">It was always it; controlling me, clawing through my skin, making my insane.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br />
I watch it etch another tally mark onto the blank concrete, hidden as white and calming asylum walls.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br />It has finally taken over me, forever.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">Insidious is the last word that passes my lips before I slip into the unknown world they title; Limbo.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<br />Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-9132954605976687052013-10-25T22:38:00.001-07:002013-10-25T22:40:58.170-07:00The Moon<span style="background-color: white;">I wake up suddenly wheezing and my throat tight. My body trembles because yet again I dreamed of death. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">I dreamed of silence but not peace and I dreamed of darkness that inhabited me. Tears well up in my eyes </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">because I finally realize that I am helpless because nothing can save me from my inner self. My dreams </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">cannot be stopped or put in handcuffs and sent to jail. They are apart of me; a darker deeper side which is </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">threatening to whisk away all my light.It all happens too fast and I start to feel my body convulse as the </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">effects take hold; a searing pain that shoots in through my veins like a paralyzing drug. My body begins to </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">bend and my bones break; with every snap I feel renewed strength unlike anything I could have felt before. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">My skin stretches and rage starts to pilot every inch of my being. It feels as if hot coals are being pressed </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">into my pores and a yell starts to build up inside of my lungs until it overflows and bursts into a low </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">monstrous bellow. My teeth grow into incisors, my fingernails stretch out inches from my finger tips as long </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">sharpened claws. The pain twists the world in front of me and it all fades into black. Soon after I slowly start </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;">to fade in </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">and out as if I'm drunk. I come to my senses but all I can do is spectate as my body is running through the </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">narrow, dank woods. leaves and branches crunch underneath my weight and a muffled pant is escaping </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">from my throat. I stop briefly on the side of a large mountain cliff and search up among the stars for the </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">moon. Howls echo off the mountain range and ring through out the forest below. Sadness wells up in my </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">soul; one bite, one mistake and now this is what I have become. I try to scream out loud in pain and </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">frustration, but it seems that I am just a prisoner in this body that is no longer my own. Why must wolves </span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="background-color: white;">howl at the moon? I guess it's now my turn to find out. </span></div>
Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-65463017629040657242013-10-20T22:18:00.002-07:002013-10-20T22:18:16.763-07:00Here a Love There a Love<span style="background-color: white;">Love has never been something you can touch.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">Or taste</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">Or wrap in a box</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">Or put a label on</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">Or hold onto forever. Because it always seems like love eludes us.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">What is love to me?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">Well I know it's different from what you think.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know it is sincere</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know it can be hard to catch</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know it can break my soul</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know it can not exist at all</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know it might be large</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">or small</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I know that it may never have a definition at all.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">What I do know is that you can't give up on love</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> because if we did nothing in this world could compare.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-76140286693760109352013-10-20T22:01:00.000-07:002013-10-20T22:01:06.371-07:00LOVE is Music<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzcYgyuvGQgdaQ-3KwgIVNjFxXOWnsZObTHCCuF1dxGuFSaYOaax9J3oUL4pSWqom8A-H4pV2ycILA8hPDG_Q' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-77228545641854618132013-10-20T21:18:00.000-07:002013-10-20T21:18:34.741-07:00Only Words Last the Wear I'm terrible with words because they rack my brain until I am sure I'm insane, but once my brain is free I can never feel this way or ever be this sane. I'll write you a story because words aren't anything without a purpose.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Pop a piece of gum. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Breathe it out slowly. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">“It will be O.K.” C</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">heery, mood-lifting flowers </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ignite the breath </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">and invigorate my senses. </span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b> He always seems to take a few deep </b></span><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">with</span></b><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> nature in which we </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">find the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">instant surge in </span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b>webbed areas.</b> </span><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> He chuckles lightly under his breath "w</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">hen you’re feeling frazzled, release</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> an </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ax to grind." He </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">increases</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> his</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> eyes</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">lower to a number, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">companions </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">suggest</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">functioning</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">from their</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">hormones, but he doesn't want to. P</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ut your own problems i</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">n the head, they teach. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">R</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">elievers </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">reading for the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">instant </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">anxiety</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">increased our strain. "Y</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ou feel even more panicked s</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">tepping outside?" He choked. He held my hand in his "</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Shake out</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> an</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> orange </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">from beneath your thumb</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">."he whispered into my ear sending chills up my arms. "</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">E</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">nough said" I grumbled as I took a step back. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Our conversation ended </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">as he stormed into the dark abyss. </span></b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">Special compounds </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">overwhelm the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">quality</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">of my calm </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">combat within my soul. Spirits g</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">et up from the desks and </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">curtails cry out within my </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">blood pressure.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> That time wasted </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">mentioning, distancing, yourself</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> wants to feel</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> c</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">lose</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> yet </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">lowering </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">jacks</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">but who cares? W</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ith a drop dial g</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ently </span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b>stretched</b></span><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">through a series of death in </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">reduction </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">where we often store the </span></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><b>warm tub</b></span><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> of our </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">feelings. My tears creep through the soothing situations which will bring up guided imagery of my rejuvenated surroundings.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">C</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">alming breaths of </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">peppermint cut through my </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">pressure points as I close my</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> eyes</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">loosen the jaw </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">and in an instant I t</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ake a </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">jump falling </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">for 20 to 30 seconds counting down the time p</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">lug my thoughts away and enjoy the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">soothing bubbles of death that begin to wash over me. I see a light; a </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">calming </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">candlelight that begins to edge into the corners of my vision. My eyes blur and the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">chemicals in the brain begin to soothe and become </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">slow-paced. My </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">environment makes me l</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">ose myself and I feel free. The wind </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">distracts my mind, my </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">troubles seem to dissipate quickly and violently just like my body does as I hit the ground, or how I imagine it will . Every part of me </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">stretches. M</span></b><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">y muscles relax, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">my heart rate instantly lowers and tension seems to have never existed. Death seemed to have creeped into our minds and poison our souls. Is death really our purpose, our life and fears? This world is a purpose of reality or a charade of our imaginations of what we once were or what we will never become. Only one true way to find the truth is to really find it.</span></b><br />
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<br />Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-66298321117691565472013-09-29T21:40:00.001-07:002013-09-30T11:17:45.151-07:00Without Hope Without a Topic<span style="background-color: black; color: #93c47d;">I sat at my computer staring at the screen for an hour trying to think of a topic to write about. I procrastinated, watched some t.v., ate some food and finally found myself watching this video and clicking on tons of random things how I found these... I have no clue. Enjoy btw these were youtube videos haha...... #theydon'tworkatschool</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #93c47d;">"McDonalds actually does serve breakfast after 10:30, if u have a gun." -lawblob</span></div>
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<a href="http://www.sembeo.com/media/Matrix.swf" style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: black;">Musical Dots</span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: #93c47d; font-size: large;">Frickin' Nasty</span></div>
Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-43001797569591772522013-09-24T20:22:00.001-07:002013-09-29T21:49:58.862-07:00Zombies<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;">My eyes flutter open and the small dank alleyway spreads out before me. I sit on the chilled ground next to a over turned dumpster. I brush the rats away from my feet and slowly stand up and stretch out my legs. I turn towards the entrance of the alleyway and see that it leads out into the streets of salt lake. The streets are packed with over turned cars and the smell of sewage burns my throat. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br />I slowly step out of the alley and the sun kisses the side of my face. The sun continues to creep into the crevices of buildings lighting up the city, and broken bits of glass, that litter the ground, glisten against the dust covered streets. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;">Adrenaline creeps through my veins and the fear that I try to hide from starts to set in. I trudge through the streets trying to remember what it used to look like with people walking through the streets talking on phones or to one another. Now all that remains is fear which is plastered on the walls and on the faces of dead corpses who lie still in their cars. I examine every car and alley ways expecting to find someone even though the world has been dead for twenty years. I feel alone and lost. I haven't seen anyone for at least a week now but I can never be quite sure because my days seem to fade in and out and blur together. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;">The sun starts to melt the chill that has inhabited my body and I almost feel happy or maybe just content. Can I feel happy when I l live in this world of never ending darkness? Can I feel happy now, even though I feel just as abandoned as this city? My stomach starts to ache from longing, for a better existence or food i'm not quite sure. My thoughts start to cloud my head and despair slides back into my emotions where he now seems to have made his home. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;">I shuffle my bare feet along the ground and somehow the pain I feel as broken bits of glass cut deeper and deeper makes me feel better. I pull down on the backpack straps that lie on my shoulders trying to relieve the weight from my already aching back. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: #6fa8dc;">I slow to a stop and deeply inhale taking in the smells of this city trying to forget the pain of memories that begin to flash through my head. The smells of a city in decay are not as bad as the rotting smell of flesh which wafts through my nostrils. Emptiness floods my heart and soul, and the longing pain in my stomach reappears. Everything good has been ripped away from me and all that remains is hopelessness and fear. I squeeze my pale arm and feel how my skin loosely hangs onto the bone and how it starts to peel and rot. I try to escape through old memories, but I fear I will be trapped in this existence until I finish off the last of humanity. But what I fear the most, is I don't think I will ever get used to this smell.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-13607948859505760792013-09-19T22:08:00.000-07:002013-09-19T22:23:51.851-07:00#GiveMeMyConfidenceBack<span style="color: cyan;"><span style="background-color: black;">Why do I never get my assignments done on time in this class? Because I am so PISSED OFF ALL the time. I can never sit down and type because every second of every day I feel like breaking my keyboard, throwing a chair across the room or punching someone so hard I break something, why? Because right now my life SUCKS. {insert sport here} is a joke and it is tearing me fing apart. I come home emotionally exhausted because my shitty teamates are up in my face yelling at me or telling me that IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I have to deal with bitchy girls who whine and complain and blow up for no reason and im sick of it. GROW UP I feel like a one man army standing up to "queen" of all {insert sport here}. If she had dog shit all over her feet people would still kiss them, if she pissed on their face they would still give her cheers and follow her around not because they LIKE YOU. THEY ALL HATE YOU. You're pathetic and take it out on everyone else because you're life is so meaningless. You have to be the center of attention every second yelling and bossing people around because you SUCK at {insert sport here}!!! You are the biggest two FACE BITCH I have ever encountered. I feel like leaving this school because of some teammates but also because of you "coach". You have ruined my life ever since I came to this school!! Every day I feel like some forgotten piece of trash on the side of the road because you tear me down constantly! all you ever have had are key favorites and everyone else is perishables. That ugly look on your face when you realize that I am going to be your key starting player this year is sickening to my stomach. I WAS ALWAYS BETTER THAN YOUR STARTER you NEVER gave me the chance because your favorite poured thousands of dollars into your fund!! That's total BULLSHIT! I hate every single thing about you because you have ruined my high school experience. I feel stupid and like I don't matter because of the way you talk down to me! Every time I hear your voice I cringe because I always know what you say about me and the way you laugh when I make a mistake. You have torn me down so many times I cannot remember the last time I felt highly of MYSELF. YOU are the one that makes me bawl at night because I feel like I don't matter. YOU are the one that makes me hate going to school every day. YOU are the reason why I am TRANSFERRING BECAUSE I WANT THE HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE. You have made every practice a nice individual hell for me because it entertains you. I worked my butt off trying to show you I was right for the starting position and when you put her in game after game and I saw how much she SUCKED. You ripped out everything I have ever held dear; my self confidence. I KNOW I was better than her! I see you this year and I see how you have no other choice but me for the starting position, I see you panicked because you do not "trust" me. I see those other girls you're trying to train for MY POSITION because you know I hate you and I know you hate me. I am just hoping you see how great I have become so when I leave it leaves you panicked and when you start to lose your games I hope you think of me because I sure will be happy when you do.</span></span><br />
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<br />Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-87872008879411604762013-09-12T19:40:00.000-07:002013-09-12T19:40:05.312-07:00Pictures<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">I found some </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Amazing pictures </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">none of which would</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">fit the format of my</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">blog which sucks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">I decided to show </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">them here instead </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFx-SFE3MrB0wHFLAMwoEI8R9ViK88dFel0DEN-NiGyPNAw98hSMcJbIfM3agKAWCxxjgiCXVZuWieWnjSryznKbRn-hqXc_eHKrtNSLbkcUFfpOx-8eb_NZ-oRPXgnH-V9hw8UtxB6wU/s1600/colors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFx-SFE3MrB0wHFLAMwoEI8R9ViK88dFel0DEN-NiGyPNAw98hSMcJbIfM3agKAWCxxjgiCXVZuWieWnjSryznKbRn-hqXc_eHKrtNSLbkcUFfpOx-8eb_NZ-oRPXgnH-V9hw8UtxB6wU/s640/colors.jpg" width="360" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixtKPxr9GgYhJ-Ryq3u8WMVT-HG2PZz291vEb1tFbebQumTSJ5xfPoKgpywFqVT-_M88Qanm4Fa5WC9fEkpLQxWLQsJ0LJ-0rH5-1e7eUHd1NY89WUBSlBierrkablt71akOZmM8m3i-M/s1600/pondcity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixtKPxr9GgYhJ-Ryq3u8WMVT-HG2PZz291vEb1tFbebQumTSJ5xfPoKgpywFqVT-_M88Qanm4Fa5WC9fEkpLQxWLQsJ0LJ-0rH5-1e7eUHd1NY89WUBSlBierrkablt71akOZmM8m3i-M/s640/pondcity.jpg" width="502" /></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">because they are </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">just that epic.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnLZgVQ1OvVkoTLYPiyEial2fr1DP5ny7R7P8ZCd9TtKKYsWzfa2-f2uDA_aGbvfg2RhfnuFKVDhPTfvzTcPdhoVp4QuD9SOUGHgH1Afu_3Arjr4fO8M2j2xpLmDId3y39YLGIyd7ZCyM/s1600/sturdss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnLZgVQ1OvVkoTLYPiyEial2fr1DP5ny7R7P8ZCd9TtKKYsWzfa2-f2uDA_aGbvfg2RhfnuFKVDhPTfvzTcPdhoVp4QuD9SOUGHgH1Afu_3Arjr4fO8M2j2xpLmDId3y39YLGIyd7ZCyM/s640/sturdss.jpg" width="426" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNXTYTSz7wOCQ-M2gATRRayiC3Us4lITrsaRUylI4mrtu5iojNxgQoN2lJCXtwITWjFvuX8jRzSseS_IEf8z94yKCDOKkzu9As4g-CO2PgbioZhGeRSv6mMmv1lo7OC1R5DT9uc1wVFVU/s1600/omggomg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7DqHtOln8eJIIKACMbGHjmEb3cREFiWra82D0VmZK43QyOPtJNdR1-2rOXdNY8w_OyPLWPN0KxUCM5WXPj8y7Ggq7UVnFwM_GqaFHdzG34MFdivF1XxiZ3NbU7zlVKnhiFiPMArawuY/s1600/fiya.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7DqHtOln8eJIIKACMbGHjmEb3cREFiWra82D0VmZK43QyOPtJNdR1-2rOXdNY8w_OyPLWPN0KxUCM5WXPj8y7Ggq7UVnFwM_GqaFHdzG34MFdivF1XxiZ3NbU7zlVKnhiFiPMArawuY/s640/fiya.jpg" width="425" /></a><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNXTYTSz7wOCQ-M2gATRRayiC3Us4lITrsaRUylI4mrtu5iojNxgQoN2lJCXtwITWjFvuX8jRzSseS_IEf8z94yKCDOKkzu9As4g-CO2PgbioZhGeRSv6mMmv1lo7OC1R5DT9uc1wVFVU/s640/omggomg.jpg" width="426" /></div>
<br />Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-74357610307564548602013-09-10T11:40:00.001-07:002013-09-29T21:56:38.612-07:00I Am Here<span style="color: cyan; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What is a tourist? Someone who watches, waits and contemplates or someone who is lazy? I am both but now that I am here there is no road block standing in my way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: cyan; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am here through the light and darkness even the struggles and pain. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am always here, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> but perhaps not here for you</span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> or even myself,</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> but through it all I know that I must be here and not there. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Because there means the past, and I hope to never be forgotten</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> in such a way that I no longer have reason to exist.</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #d5a6bd;"> </span><span style="color: cyan;"> Can you really tell if you are here and not somewhere else?</span></span><span style="color: cyan;"> The <i>scrape</i> on your <span style="font-weight: normal;">side </span>or the <i>cut</i> on your <span style="font-weight: normal;">thumb</span> do you <i><u>really</u></i> feel them? How can you be sure you are living and breathing and not in the imagination of a book or a long lost thought doomed to a never have an ending?</span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"> I know that I am living because when I feel lost I can find myself through pain, love, and loneliness. </span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"> You really never know your true self until you lose sight of what you think you should be. </span></h3>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #d5a6bd;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #d5a6bd;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">When you doubt yourself</span><span style="font-size: large;"> and start fighting to understand it unveils the truth of what you are; human and imperfect. </span></span></h3>
<h3>
<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;">(Like me for instance I SucK at punctuation and I do it anyways(just): for "fun" Because<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> I want to</span> and no one can scold me or tell me that I am wrong.) </span></h3>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;">It is hard to find yourself in a world of uncertainty, yet the one way that has helped me fight my insecurities is to embrace them and move on.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></h3>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;">The world keeps turning and s<i>o must everything else.</i><i> </i></span></h3>
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I am here because I fricking want to be!</i></span> Screw other people and their lies I am perfect and so are you. Bam! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYwCAK-_LBjv8CmQ_FM0yweCvTRgdTYbUG_7jP9Yh8J5JhSo6znynpCe0z5AZn5Dq50zx0qqPK4yYlU9IZRfpxxwUIYyzMA-CoEF10hAr5vyhrPN8As_NniBH3Ub10-gtQ-xwZ5XaSmAQ/s1600/frickiongstar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYwCAK-_LBjv8CmQ_FM0yweCvTRgdTYbUG_7jP9Yh8J5JhSo6znynpCe0z5AZn5Dq50zx0qqPK4yYlU9IZRfpxxwUIYyzMA-CoEF10hAr5vyhrPN8As_NniBH3Ub10-gtQ-xwZ5XaSmAQ/s1600/frickiongstar.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #f3f3f3;">Look at this kewl star I gave you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #f3f3f3;">Happy Birthday. </span></div>
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Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4610250397109402202.post-50930917665155161822013-09-03T11:35:00.003-07:002013-09-12T20:09:19.509-07:00intro<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">This is a blog all about me</span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;"> it is free but not cheap and </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">definitely one to keep on </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">your watch list that is. I express </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">my emotions either great or </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">small I sure wish I was tall </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">but for real this is my blog </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">in which I share a personnel </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">slice of my life. I will always</span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;"> be honest and true but it </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">comes with a price. The price </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">is your willingness to understand</span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;"> through and through because </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">I'm being honest with you in turn </span><br />
<span style="color: #ffe599; font-size: x-large;">you can too.</span>Pj Howserhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17745657685954557090noreply@blogger.com0